Our first week home

Well we haven't been home a true week yet. We came home last wednesday in the morning. But Ollie is a week old.

Its been an amazing week, very hormonal though. I've been having moments of sadness. I came home and Carson was super lovey and I could tell he missed me. But then the next day he was mad at me, he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't hug me.

That was the hardest part.

Next day he was better, he loves Oliver, when I bring Ollie out first thing in the morning, Carson checks him over, gives him kisses and goes back to playing.

I am a total basket of hormones though. Nothing serious, just some weepies. Not from sadness, but just....overwhelmed some moments. Overwhelmed with love for my boys, love for Chris. Overwhelmed some moments when Carson needs me and Ollie needs me, torn.

Over all the last week has been amazing! We are so lucky to have 2 wonderful boys, I'm so lucky to have such an amazing husband that has been great taking care of all of us. He's been letting me sleep in while he and Carson hang out.

I'm so lucky that Ollie has been such a good sleeper, going in 3 hour stretches at night and 2ish hours during the day. He's a really happy baby, and holding him is like going back in time, to holding Carson. I can't believe that in 2 years he'll be just like his big brother.

Its been a week of ups and downs, but the downs are few and far between. Its true what they say, the transition from one child, to two is much harder than from zero to one child.

The weepies have been getting better. Today was my first day home with both boys and it was scary but we survived and I think we did pretty awesome =)

My confidence is slowly coming back. Its not like I didn't have any confidence I could do this whole 2 kids thing, but last night Chris ran our redboxes back and took Abby for a walk, I gave Carson a bath and Oliver hung out in his bouncy chair in the bathroom. Little victories like that, make me realize not only can I do it. I can do it and then some. I don't do bath time generally, but with Chris hopefully traveling more this year for work. I need to know I can do it with both boys and have it be in a "safe" environment. Had it been "to hard" Chris would have been home as soon as he could.

Overall, its been an amazing week. I'm filled with so much love for my family.

This moment

This post is hard to write out, but I think it really needs to be said. Because I know after Carson was born, I judged a lot of women that would say "I didn't love my baby until I met him/her" I could not fathom the feeling of not loving your child the moment you found out about them. With Carson, as soon as I knew I was pregnant it was this all encompassing deep love. Like I knew what my purpose was, to be his mom. I had multiple dreams during my pregnancy with him. I *knew* what he was going to look like, I'd seen him.

So when I never had that burst of love for my pregnancy with Oliver, I was worried. I was worried I was hurting a beautiful relationship. I couldn't figure out how I had become "that" woman that didn't just LOVE her child the moment those 2 pink lines pop up. We'd tried SO hard for Oliver, 9 months (not a long time in the grand scheme) When we finally got pregnant it was ironically enough, the cycle we had taken off of trying.

I was sick almost my entire first trimester making it so hard to do this with "my baby" I almost had this detached feeling from being pregnant when I was so sick that this thing inside me was taking away from what Carson and I had to begin with.

Then I was extremely tired and short fused. I felt horrible. I would snap at Carson constantly for things that are just normal boy behavior.  This one I worked on immediately, I do not like being that mom thats yelling at her toddler for normal kid behavior.

Once I got to big to truly snuggle with Carson, I had just about had it. I battled with hating being pregnant. I couldn't even hardly pick Carson up and chasing after him was extremely hard. I missed the days before. I never regretted Oliver, but I had an extremely hard time juggling a pregnancy with a high maintenance toddler.

Then, this moment happened. "In this moment, I knew, I love you"

In this moment, I knew, I love you. 

I can't even look at this picture with out crying. Thank you Emily for capturing this moment. Amazing to be able to look back at the pictures and see that THIS was the moment I knew, I had always loved him. Something blocked the signal from my heart to my head

Birth Story

The details are already fading...probably because it was not a super epic birth, besides getting a super awesome really awesome little guy out of it.

I had the hardest time leaving the house this morning, we ran late to get to the birth center because I was sobbing so hard leaving Carson I could barely see straight. That was HARD. He didn't get what was going on and would NOT hug me and I just totally lost it.

Got all checked in and around 8:20 AM my water was broken. No way would my water have ever broken on its own. It took multiple pokes to get it to finally rupture.

Once my water was broken we all basically just hung out, I bought a board game app for our iPhones and Chris and I just hung out playing on our phones until Emily showed up ready with her crazy computer and camera! Granted....it was a rather boring show for a while. I was having contractions every 2 minutes non painful though. I hadn't made a ton of progress from water break to 11 AM I was still a loose 3 cm and 75% effaced.

Finally decided to hop on the birth ball for a while, that helped a bit, I could feel him dip into a better position which was good. But contractions were still not painful. I hung out on my ball for a while and my mom brought Carson, cookies and pizza for the non laboring people in the room and cookies for my nurses. They appreciated that =)


Around 12:30 my mom took Carson home to play and I was starting to get a bit more pain with each contraction. I finally decided that I should just get up and pee, and just stand for a while. I started standing at 1:15 and by 1:45 contractions were hurting and right on top of one another. I asked to be checked since my plan was to get my epidural at 5 cm I know that you can just fly from 5 to 10 really fast.  Got my epidural around 2 pm and it was in and working within a few minutes. My anesthesiologist was amazing, he got it in and working so fast which is awesome because it gets rather awful when you have to still feel pain while having a tube in your spine.  I really had to fart the entire time. Its such an awkward position to be totally rounded out having contractions and feel the need to let it go, but I held onto it because lets face it, he would have totally understood, but who the hell knows how bad it would have stunk.

At 3:30 I was joking with my nurse that I needed to have a talk with Ollie, because I was due for the 3rd round of antibiotics at 4 pm, and I really did not want to have any more than I have to because of my raging yeast infections this pregnancy I already anticipate a yeast infection pretty much as soon as I get home.

At 3:50 we were waiting for my doctor, she was delivery another baby (she had a good day!) well my nurse decided that she would check me because she wanted to know what was going on. They already prepped the room for Ollie's arrival because his heart rate was dropping a tiny bit with each contraction, which was a good sign he was ready to come on out!

Well she checked me, he was SO low and I was at 10 cm. She called my doctor and at 4:01 we started pushing.

5 really good pushes later (12 minutes total)

Oliver Christopher Lastname was born

STATS:
8lbs 4 oz
21 inches long
APGAR 9/9

I'm uploading pictures into a separate tab up at the top of the pages. Also I will put the birth story at the bottom for easy keeping track of =)

But thats it! He's here and amazing! Carson is SO in love. Best moment of my life was seeing him kiss his new brother

He's Here and WONDERFUL

Birth Story to come...It was fast and amazing

Stats:

8 lbs 4 oz

21 inches long

13 in head circumference 

A Day Of Lasts....

Today is our Last day with just Carson as an only child. Tomorrow we will have 2 little ones

Today is our Last day being pregnant. Possibly the last time I'll ever be pregnant

Today is our Last day as a family of three

Pregnancy Changes Pictures

Click for larger

Posts you should expect within 2 weeks

These are posts that I am REALLY hoping to have done within the 2 weeks following delivery

• Birth Story + pictures
• Life with a Newborn and a Toddler
• Family Change
• Newborn Photos
• Post Partum Healing
• Start of the weekly weight loss posts

My kid is so picky....

I considered it a "win" that he ate sponge bob mac and cheese and 2 dinosaur chicken nuggets.

and

4 spoon fulls of ketchup

Its the final countdown....

Please enjoy some Final Countdown, from our favorite crazy TV family. The Bluths!

Five days and counting until my induction. I am so very excited to finally have both my boys here. I am already feeling that pang of agony I know my heart will feel while I'm in the hospital. I already am missing Carson. The best way to describe it is like, when Chris travels for work and I have that dread of "I'm going to be sleeping alone for x nights" I know its coming and I know it sucks.

I've never left Carson for more than a couple hours, let alone over night. I've been having nightmares that he wakes in the night and FREAKS out that I'm not at home. No one can console him and he is forever scarred. All the preparation for his brother is lost, because he instantly resents his brother for taking his mommy away for 2 nights. Then the logical bus slaps me and says "Bitch, its only 2 nights. Your kid will survive and probably won't notice your gone. Get the fuck over yourself already"

Chris will be home at night with him along with my mom, and my mom will be here during the day. When Ollie is born, Carson and my mom will be waiting at the hospital to come in and meet him.

I'm such a control freak, ha...ha....ha. I have everything planned a certain way. I want Carson to come and meet his brother with his "Best big Brother" shirt on, I want him to bring the Bunny he picked out for Ollie so Ollie can have it in the hospital.

When we come home from the hospital I want Chris to go home and get Carson and get my car with the carseats in it. I want to drive home together as a family of four. My family will be waiting at our house to meet Ollie, and we'll spend our first night home as a family of four, bonding in bed watching Carson's favorite movie (I know I'm gonna miss the damn dragon movie in the hospital. Fucking kids movies, addictive like crack)  snuggling and finally I'll lay Ollie in his bed, and Carson in his, and Chris and I will snuggle up and go to bed (for an hour or so till Ollie wakes again)

I'm ready to get our new normal set up and going. I feel like this has been a long time coming. But not really, it also feels like it snuck up on me.

When I start having anxiety over leaving Carson, my mantra is "It will all be okay, its only 72 hours max"

STATS: 38 Weeks

How Far Along?  38 Weeks 

How Big Is Baby? The size of a Watermellon 

Total Weight Gain?  Total Weight 182 this week. I obviously can not do math. I have gained 22 lbs total. 

Sleep? Awful, contractions most of the night only to be woken up by Carson early in the morning

Best Moment of the week? Taking Carson to the water park on friday and actually having people get out of the hot tub because obviously I'm gonna birth a baby RIGHT FUCKING NOW

Food Cravings? Sweets! 

Food Aversions? No real food aversions. Luckily no more heartburn

Symptoms of Labor? Off and on Contractions 7 minutes apart. When I got checked at my 37 week appointment, I was a soft 3 cm dilated and 70% effaced. 

What I'm looking forward to? Just having my baby. I am so ready to just be a family of four. All the nerves I'm feeling about bringing a new baby into our home I know will vanish once he's actually here. But I'm ready. Chris is ready. Carson is ready to have a baby in the house. 

What I miss?  Sleep. Funny enough I know for a fact I won't be sleeping when Ollie first arrives, and probably not for a while after that. But caring for a newborn is so much more rewarding than getting up 5 times a night to pee and contracting constantly all night. 

Exercise? Yoga, Squats, lunges and walking, sex....lots of sex. Ha

Baby Gear Nerd

I have 8 days till my induction! Oh lordy am I excited to meet our new little pipsqueek. I am so excited to say that I ordered my very last piece of double baby gear. Thanks to my awesome family I didn't actually have to spend a dime on my double stroller. They were all very generous, between my mom, and grandma and brother, they paid for our new double stroller. I spent months and months of this pregnancy agonizing over what kind of double stroller to get for myself and the boys. It had to be the right stroller. Between size folded (for taking in our small hatchback) and ease of use, plus I wanted it to be comfortable and have a really nice "look" 

After months of research, I finally found the Contours Options Tandem, I was very excited for it. But had some reservations, since it is not sold in any of the stores close to our home. I was unable to go look at it, test drive it, or fold it up and stick it in my car to make sure it fits. So I was having some trouble "pulling the trigger" Its an awesome priced double, with a ton of nice features but it doesn't matter if we can't actually get it in our car (like most front back tandems) 

Then, like a sign, from the stroller gods. I met a woman in Target, pushing this exact stroller. I stared across the baby  department, like a total creep. I finally walked up and asker her how she liked it. She had a 21mo old and a 2 mo old. So slightly closer together than Carson and Ollie. But still. Same age concept. Not like having a 5 yo and 2 mo old. 

I was AMAZED by how nice the stroller was, how easy it folded up (oh yeah the lady was awesome and showed me all the tricks!) and she could not have had nicer things to say about the stroller! 

I went home and ordered it that afternoon! It will be here tuesday! I got a really good deal on it because it was already on sale for 190$ on amazon + 10% off because it was on my "registry" Making it like 171$  Not bad for a double stroller if I do say so myself. 

How do you even respond to this question?

Seriously, In the last week I have had not one, not two, but FIVE strangers ask me when I am due with Ollie. When I tell them "oh just a couple more weeks" They are usually pretty nice. Then they eye Carson and ask "well when ya gonna have another?"

Um. What?

Can I please shoot this child out of my vagina first? Preferably onto your shoes?

I've decided the next person to ask me this really REALLY fucking stupid question, is going to get this answer....

"Well my husband and I enjoy frequent fornication, so probably 9 months after we get pregnant again"

You know those days?

Where everything seems to go really wrong?

Well thats today.

Last night was the full moon, I was sure Ollie would make his appearance. Nope. Just contractions every 7 minutes for about 15 hours, never got closer, never got stronger.

Woke up this morning to a raging headache, Carson was crazy this morning at 545. Chris got up with him and laid him in our bed. He was pretty good until about 615 when he decided everyone needed to be awake. The coffee hadn't even percolated yet.


Chris left for work early, he's been having a shitty couple weeks at work too.

Nose bleed (me)

Diarrhea up the back (carson)

Cleaned up in the bath

Diarrhea in the tub (Carson)

Cleaned up again

Ran into the living room, tripped on his towel and landed on a sleeping cranky Abby.

She nipped him right in the face. (no marks)

Its 9:30 AM. Can today (and this week) just be over?

37 weeks - FULL TERM!

How Far Along?  37 Weeks - FULL TERM!

How Big Is Baby? The size of a Watermellon - Well fuck

Total Weight Gain?  -1 lbs. Weight 176, + 16 total

Sleep? Meh, less peeing more contractions

Best Moment of the week? Making new mommy friends, making friends for Carson and finally getting some REALLY gorgeous weather

Food Cravings? Not much. Spicy food but that might be my desire to get this kiddo out

Food Aversions? Nothing really...

Symptoms of Labor? 

What I'm looking forward to? Labor at any point could actually  be REAL labor. 

What I miss? My couch...Honestly if I'm watching TV with Carson, I feel like I need to be on my birth ball bouncing around to keep Ollie in a good position for labor

Exercise? Yoga, Squats, lunges and walking, sex....

Full Term Belly Picture!