Perfect Reality Show Idea

Women in Hardware Stores.

Seriously, one of my favorite things to do is go into Home Depot and see how many times I get asked if I need help. I usually have some hilarious reply like "Yeah, but I don't think getting screws will help"  But today I went in for shelf material, so I can get the fucking microwave off my chest freezer.

So I walk into Home Depot and I'm wearing flip flops, jeans and a t-shirt. Cause its 44 degrees and thats not cold, bitches.

So anyway, not 10 steps into Home Depot  (HD from now on) I'm asked 3 times if I need help. I'm like no I'm good. As I get closer to the wood section an employee stops and asks:

 "What can I help you find, you look a little lost."

Well dude, "Well I need wood."

"Um, Ma'am what kind of wood?"

"Flat wood."

::blank stare::

"like for a shelf."

"okay, right this way"


His face was great at Flat Wood.


Well I got some piece of sanded plywood or someshit like that, and I need it cut. Its 24x38 and I needed a 20x24 so I'm like

"just cut it 20x28"

Then I stand there texting the husband being all like "MOTHAFUCKING HUZZZZAA BITCH! I FOUND FLAT WOOD!"

I notice he cut a skinny strip off my board and I'm all like, "what are you doing?"

"well its 20x28 now."

"NOOOOOO I didn't explain that well. I wanted TWO pieces. One 20x24 and one 28x24"

"Oh okay, well do you mind going and grabbing another board?"


Sure no problem, right???  WRONG, That shits heavy and I dropped that fucker right on my foot. So I danced around muttering fuck under my breath and finally got the damn wood in my cart. Only to turn my cart and have that bitch flat wood fall right the fuck out.


I finally got that shit taken care of, then I had to find L brackets.  I found another HD guy and was like "I need brackets. like ones shaped like an L, can you help me?"       ::blank stare:: "Do you mean, L brackets??"

I'm pretty sure he wanted to be like "Bitch are you drunk?"



Awe Home Depot. Good times.