Gender Reveal Video BTW

I'm so in love with this video. Thank you so much to my awesome friend Em for doing this for me. She spent a LOT of time editing the video to make it just so. <3 you girl!

I've been a craptastic blogger

So yeah, I've been MIA for a while now. Sorry 'bout that. We've had a lot going on recently. Its holiday season, its CB's birthday in LESS than 1 month. Holy shit! I've been really tired lately too, so my normal night time blogging has taken a back seat for sleeping.

I've been having some really interesting pregnancy night time symptoms, including getting REALLY pissed off at Abby for bed hogging, and taking off my underwear because its to much of a pain in the ass to take them off and on to pee a million times a night.

I'm even starting to get a bump! Which for me is really exciting because I have taken a while to show this pregnancy but I finally feel like I'm getting a bump that is baby-ish and not chub.

On to the holiday season....Saturday marks the start of the crazy decorating and cookie baking (mmmm) season. Right now I am sitting amongst boxes, some waiting to go to my parents for storage since we took an entire office and are converting it to a nursery for Bean. And some waiting to be unpacked for Halloween on saturday. I broke down and put the trick or treat mat out today when I got it out of storage, and the halloween pillows and throw blankies are also in the wash!

 Speaking of Bean, I've been feeling him move a TON recently he's a very active little dude and its so much fun to feel those kicks again.

On to CB's birthday. Mr. C took the week of his birthday off and we're heading to GREAT WOLF LODGE for 2 nights 3 days! We are so excited. We decided after his blowout first birthday last year and the insane amount of stress I was under to get it done. This year we're celebrating his actual birth, just like it was 2 years ago. The three of us. We'll have pizza and cake the week before and I'm inviting grandparents and maybe a couple friends but nothing big.

I have a ton more but that was the cliff notes version tonight I will sit down and write out a bunch of separate posts and get them up ASAP

This is going to be the only post about this

As many of you don't know. We suffered from Secondary Infertility. My secondary IF is a scar. Its a physical scar that I can not do anything about.

While I don't fault the people that sent me messages saying "how sorry" for me they are, because we are having a boy. I must say, I wish they realized how hurtful those kinds of comments are. Because truly I do not know if we will have another child. I do not know if we are even ABLE to have more children. I only have about 40% of my uterus that isn't scarred. So its amazing that Bean is on his way. With or with out a penis.I wish I could wear my scar on my face, just because others can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

When I get comments about being disappointed for me, I am just thankful that Bean is on his way.

This will be my only post on this topic because as you've probably figured out, IF for me was very private and I wish for It to continue being. Private matter.

So excited for BOY

I have some pre-ultrasound videos I took this morning/early afternoon that kind of show the emotions that went into today. I'm just waiting for Em to get me the videos she took too! Especially the actual reveal! I had so many emotions going into the ultrasound today. I was really nervous that I would not be excited if it was a boy. I detailed my emotions in this post.

I am actually going to post the pre-ultrasound video tonight. A little teaser if you will.

Its a......

Quick pregnancy photo dump

Pregnancy Photo Dump. I'm a LOT smaller with Bean than I was with Carson. Which is nice for sure. 

I've been blowing up facebook....

With updates for how much longer until we find out the sex of our Bean tomorrow....its 19 hours by the way.

I have so many weird emotions finding out tomorrow.

I'm scared. Scared that if its a boy, I will feel a pang of saddness for not getting that mother daughter relationship with my own daughter. I am scared that those feelings will show through in our gender reveal photos and video. But I highly doubt that. I wanted girl so desperately when I was pregnant with CB, and the moment, I found out he was a boy. I was over joyed.

I'm excited. For me, finding out the sex makes it truly real. We can use the baby's name (which we will NOT be sharing till birth day) Once we see the big human looking baby in there will be amazing. I'm still so tiny that its ridiculous and I don't "feel" pregnant.

I'm nervous. Mainly because we haven't seen the Bean since August and we'll have our camera going in the ultrasound room....what if something is wrong with the baby?

So there it is. My feelings. I can't wait though! 19ish hours to go